About #thefinal90

Some folks have come across this journey recently and been curious how it came to be. If you didn't go back to the beginning and start there this is a summary. 

 
A few days before the deadline of Friday, August 1st 2014, a new blog began. Launched to capture the process of letting go and ending the 19 year run of a small local business; not done for sympathy or attention but as a way of explaining what it's like to close a beloved store. There's not much written about this sort of thing but my store deserved to have it's story told.

Here is where it starts - 
http://thefinal90days.blogspot.com/2014/07/what-its-about-introduction.html

 

My shop's final story has now been shared across many

social sites. You can find it by searching 

keyword/hashtag #thefinal90. Thanks for reading.

I've lost a piece of my soul

The weather just began getting warmer a few days ago. I'm feeling as if I should be cleaning; getting the store ready to reopen for the upcoming summer season; placing merchandise orders and building new displays, but that's now part of my past. For the last nineteen years all those things took place in March and April, and now for the first time there is an empty space.

I'm looking for a job, and have been ever since the shop closed. I didn't expect to find much available during the winter but now that many businesses are gearing up for the summer there should be plenty of options. Maybe I'll have to work some weekends but likely not all, and that's something most people would want, rather than working every Saturday and Sunday for months as I've done. A day off will likely be a "normal consideration" so the crushing non-stop schedule that had become routine throughout the summer is behind me. There are some great little businesses, amusement parks, and attractions around here and if I'm lucky I'll get to work for some of the long-time local owners....

What I can't find is my passion. That thing that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning is gone, and along with it, the inspiration that used to flow from  my fingertips as I created art out of odd things and strange items. To me it seemed like magic when it happened - and given that the ability to create and make things had only come to me in the last five years - it was magic. Only in the last several years was a fragmented brain able to function normally, and with it came this incredible sense of being able to carry an idea or a concept for a sculpture or piece of art - for the first time in my life. Before then? I was a shop owner yes, but after struggling for years was still unable to keep focused enough to actually build something....what grew inside of me then now appears to have died with the store.

Even this series of posts and articles, which during the final 90 days was something I craved to write, has become so difficult. What used to pour out of my heart and mind, so urgently in fact that I'd need to capture my feelings by furiously typing on my phone, has fallen silent. The words are labored and no longer run freely, with this being the first time in months that I'm writing. Caught off guard at seeing some old advertising materials and photos of my shop from the past, I'm somehow brought back to this blog today. But what I want is the ability to feel whole again - not just for a fleeting moment - but to have that peace in my spirit.


I have lost a piece of my soul.

Five weeks later.

I'm finally admitting how much I miss this. It seemed I would have posted sooner but the words wouldn't come, and perhaps I was trying to think about moving on instead of looking back. But the honeymoon stage that was new-found freedom from working seven days a week has faded. For the first time in two decades we could accept weekend invitations; sleep in on Saturday and not have to rush out of church on Sundays to open the shop, but that faded fast.

I miss my store, the people, my customers. It seems my creativity that grew there and turned into pieces of art is gone. It will return some time probably, but for now my soul is as empty as a birdcage with an occupant that has left.

My sweet senior friend Miss Doris must have come down to the beach this fall as she always does, but we didn't get to catch up this year. I wonder if her cancer is still in remission. We always had such long, meaningful talks about major events in one's life such as illness, loss, and holding onto hope. She loves her grandchildren so very much and I loved seeing her eyes sparkle when she told me about their latest school events and adventures. Miss Doris isn't part of my life anymore; she wasn't in the shop over the summer so I never got a chance to tell her goodbye or exchange addresses.

So many things I'm experiencing differently now that my life has changed. On November 14th I went to the grocery store for the first time as an unemployed citizen, no longer a small business owner. November 18th was the first church meeting that I attended since April, before the summer season began, and a Thanksgiving without customers and a busy weekend seemed hollow to me.

Silently, one by one, these things tell me that I loved something too much. It's all going to turn into just a memory soon, and those years when my soul came alive and for the first time in my life I was happier than I'd ever been, will fade. It feels as if the snow globe that was my world has shattered. I loved being a part of your lives.

Maybe it is a time to fly

People keep mentioning all the great possibilities that lie ahead of me now. They talk about the next chapter; the new adventures and all the opportunities I'll have.

It's true. I will have many chances to move on in other directions. Unless you've had a small business it's hard to realize how much falls upon just one or two individuals and how often time is no longer your own. The daily hours of the shop, seven days a week can be wearing but more importantly it can drag you into a state where you are no longer growing.

Perhaps I was there, as to run and operate the store took so much of my efforts and energies. Sometimes I think it's possible to slip into that without even realizing because when one is is a sheltered state of routine maybe we forget to look outside of ourselves. I think there are things I'd like to do; try; fiddle around with jewelry making perhaps. But the time and energy wasn't there lately and I may have missed seeing how small my world became.

This could be my chance to find a new love and my next passion in life. I have to remember that become a vibrant and beautiful butterfly one must shed the protective dull grey cocoon to move forward. Maybe, in the upcoming November and December and all the other months to follow, maybe I'm going to find my colors after all.

#locallyowned #sayinggoodbye #thefinal90 #endofanera #independent #retailer #beloved #shop #familiar #icon #favorite #store #momandpop #lettinggo #closingannouncement #confectionaryshop #memories #small #cornerstore #chocolateshop

Soon a light will go out

It's really sinking in tonight that everything is going to change forever in just a few weeks.


I was out tonight in town and headed home finally, traveling down a silent off -season road. My shop sits in a well-known cluster of brick buildings that have stood there since I was just a few years old, located at the corner of a beach highway intersection. As I make the turn to go home I can see the door and front window of the shop and the lights over the front display shines out into the courtyard. Every time I've turning that corner by the stop light for all these years, I've caught a glimpse of my store that I've taken such care to grow, preserve, nurture and love. A few years ago during the winter my light burned out and to make that turn and see darkness where the familiar glow always was seemed strange.  Now strange is going to become the new normal and that light will go out in just a few more weeks.


For the first time in almost half my life I'll be making that turn without seeing something that I built and that I poured my heart and soul into. It will just be another building to pass by once the life drains out of it in just a few more days, and I think to myself how very lucky I have been to have loved something so much.

#fading #light #store #closing #forever #35years #later #itsover #lettinggo #sayinggoodbye #mysmallbusiness #loved #customers #friends #memories #alltheseyears #candyshop #whatwestoodfor #belovedshop #favorite #destination #summertime #memory #thefinal90

My favorite customers; their favorite store

The door with the clanking bell popped open and a pair of customers enthusiastially greet me with the words "you're still here - our favorite store at the beach!!". I'm not tooting my horn but I get that a lot - so many of them make this a destination and often make a beeline for my shop as soon as they arrive in town. It's become a tradition while on their summer vacation each year, and I know them all. Names I can't remember but I never forget a face.


I quickly divert the conversation to chat about their family, catch up on the latest news and learn which grades the kids are going into this year. We pull out cell phones to share pictures of each other's dogs and swap stories about all the years of summers and vacations and what it was like long ago in this town.


They have a list, sometimes hand-written, sometimes synced to their home computer and right there on their ipad. We find all the varieties of licorice mom requested, the odd sour hard candy for Uncle Paul that they can only find here, discuss what size gummy candies would be suitable for a younger child, and I pull out a few samples so they can decide on Huckleberry or Watermelon taffy. They aren't staying around here this summer, some of the relatives wanted to be further up the coast so they are 45 minutes north but they tell me, would of course, still make the trip here.


They are ready to go and I still haven't told them. I wish there was a way to hand envelopes to my beloved customers and ask them to open later when at home so I can say goodbye without really having to talk about it. But they tell me they will look forward to returning next summer and I have to say something; I have to thank them for being such devoted fans, for sharing their summer memories with me and for making this a part of their vacation. I hand them a card which has a variety of ways to stay in touch, just in case I relocate. It's a very slim hope but I would hate to lose touch with so many of these people - perhaps there is a way we will meet up again next summer for coffee or ice cream. Many don't see the line of text on the card that says simply "R.I.P. <store name> 1979 ~ 2014" and I'm grateful for that. I hope they'll see it later when they get home and will understand.

#closing #smallstore #independent #retailer #momandpop #locallyowned #thefinal90 #loveyourlocal

Not yet...

7:47pm on Saturday and I'm dragging my feet. I wish there was some way not to say "every thing must go". I wish there was a way to skip over this part. I wish there was a way to just slip out thd back door aand never have to answer another question about why. But I need to put the sign up, not just for customers but for me, so it can start to sink in that I'm down to the final days.

35 years here; 19 of them mine. And 45 days is all that remains of decades of small business work, heartache, love, caring and now, learning to let go.

#smallbusinessclosing #goodbyetoanicon #after35years #thefinal90 #supportlocal #buyAmerican #oldtimeshop #different #unique

Today I'll post the signs

I didn't post the "closing forever" sign yesterday.  I just couldn't do it but I'm sure I will today. After all, how can I exit in 6 weeks if I don't have huge signs telling people about the bargains inside, how they can "get a deal" and benefit from this turn of events? Somehow it just feels strange to be encouraging that behavior and yet it's the only thing to do when you are closing, right?


I'm sure I will post them today.

#closing #signs #endofanera #smallbusinessclosing #sayinggoodbye #thefinal90 #closingforever #after35years #deathofasmallbusiness

Pieces of me

Today is hell and I would give anything to make this end. I am literally peeling off pieces of me and placing bit and parts of my life, heart and soul into plastic bags people are leaving with. I loved this stupid store so much, I loved being a part of people's lives, I loved knowing I gave them a chance to buy the best while supporting the best - America's candy makers who are still here in the USA making products. This was a tiny amount of business to them but at least I stayed a firm supporter of what they offered and stood for - with this store closing that is one less supporter and already so many of us are gone.

When will people realize what we represented? I don't think they realize the love and care that went into this shop, the generations that came here and the dedication I had. The few visitors earlier today who caually bemoaned the fate of small businesses as they noted the other stores closing in this shopping center, ended up shrugging and writing it off to "progress". What progress, when like robots they all follow each other to the big chains while the real owners are fighting to hold on? When will anyone realize that we ARE the heart and soul of little towns, the unique flavor of an area and a real person? This is ripping my heart out and I can do nothing.

#thefinal90 #storeclosing #goodbye #smallbusiness #35years #heart

Official Announcement

Posted on my facebook page yesterday....

Dear customers, 

It is with extreme sadness I share the news that our store will close in October. Opened in 1979, it has been an area favorite for decades. So many of our customers grew up coming here, looked forward to visiting and are now friends that I know by name. Over the last 19 years I've had some of the best times in my life, thanks to many of you.

Unfortunately things have been bittersweet lately as circumstances outside of my control have changed. It was very difficult to make this decision and I have put it off as long as possible. Sadly, it is time.

Thank you for the many years of support, encouragement and your friendship. Sometimes doing the right thing and running an honest, decent business doesn't guarantee success. As many of you know I stuck by my principles for the products offered here, and you could always be sure your children were not sold inferior candies made in china. I support American-made, quality confections and the many independent companies who like me, have struggled to remain in business. Sadly each year there are fewer of us left.


Regretfully,
A.B
1979 - 2014

#localshop #favorite #momandpop #locallyowned #thefinal90 #endofanera #independent #retailer #beloved #weareclosing #lettinggo #sayinggoodbye #closingannouncement #afteralltheseyears #deathofasmallbusiness

90 to go

Saturday, August 2nd. It's the first of ninety days until my lease runs out and I'm giving notice to my landlord today. I have three months until the day I walk out of here forever.

Last night I was so lucky to see and say goodbye to one of my very favorite families. For years they have been coming in, making this place part of their summer vacations and sharing their family with me. I'm so grateful to have had this experience.

#thefinal90 #lettinggo #storeclosing #goodbye #after35years #finally #closed #memories #since1979 #alltheseyears #movingon #goingoutofbusiness #loveyourlocal #endofanera #independent #retailer #supportlocal #closedforever

Why a "final 90 days"?

Why did this business matter so much, enough that I thought it deserved a public send off, a blog chronicling the final days, a need to speak out before we're gone?

Well it mattered to me because of so many things - more than I could begin to count - but some of the important reasons are the history behind 35 years, the connections I have with so many people I know, the concept of standing for something by offering carefully selected products which are still made in the USA. 

For some people even one of these reason would have been enough cause to "not go quietly".....and that's something I've never been good at doing. I'm speaking up because to me it all matters; the decision to stop carrying certain items which after decades have shifted production from American soil to china; the choice to work with the limited schedule of a small company that no longer had the best delivery options - just so I could continue to sell their made in the USA products. Or the people that I've come to know over so many layers of years and seasons and too many reasons to begin to count that matter.