One week to go

It is the first of my three final days of business. After Sunday only a short time remains until my lease ends on the 31st. 

I am trying to face these remaining days with the attitude reflected in this graphic. I've done my time grieving and I'm sure there is more to come. Some of the toughest decisions about items or fixtures lie ahead and I still have many things to let go of.

But as a wise friend said to me this week, I cannot let this consume me. I have to let go of something I love but I cannot let that loss crush me. I am sad and trying to keep all this in mind at the same time. Wish me luck.

#lastfewdays #final #goodbye #closingforever #thefinal90 #endofanera #independent #retailer #beloved #shop #familiar #icon #favorite #store #momandpop #lettinggo #finallyclosing #confectionaryshop #memories #small #cornerstore #chocolateshop

Maybe it is a time to fly

People keep mentioning all the great possibilities that lie ahead of me now. They talk about the next chapter; the new adventures and all the opportunities I'll have.

It's true. I will have many chances to move on in other directions. Unless you've had a small business it's hard to realize how much falls upon just one or two individuals and how often time is no longer your own. The daily hours of the shop, seven days a week can be wearing but more importantly it can drag you into a state where you are no longer growing.

Perhaps I was there, as to run and operate the store took so much of my efforts and energies. Sometimes I think it's possible to slip into that without even realizing because when one is is a sheltered state of routine maybe we forget to look outside of ourselves. I think there are things I'd like to do; try; fiddle around with jewelry making perhaps. But the time and energy wasn't there lately and I may have missed seeing how small my world became.

This could be my chance to find a new love and my next passion in life. I have to remember that become a vibrant and beautiful butterfly one must shed the protective dull grey cocoon to move forward. Maybe, in the upcoming November and December and all the other months to follow, maybe I'm going to find my colors after all.

#locallyowned #sayinggoodbye #thefinal90 #endofanera #independent #retailer #beloved #shop #familiar #icon #favorite #store #momandpop #lettinggo #closingannouncement #confectionaryshop #memories #small #cornerstore #chocolateshop

After 19 years, only two weeks remain

12:38 am and I'm pulling up to the parking lot at the store. There is a lot to pack, so much left to do and yet manage to keep the shop straight for customers to navigate. There are still a few days left to be open for business.


I'm here now because to come in each morning gets harder and harder and some days I can't stand the questions from people or the looks. Tonight I'm alone with the shopping center and while I'm pulling down things to sort, pack up or mark down I can lose myself in loud angry music. During the day hours I have neighbors to consider but for now I can try to drown out my feelings.


I think back over so many years and memories and too many people and customers and experiences to count. Being a small business owner is special and for me it was a wonderful time. I hate the saying "it's time" when everything in me scream that it's not and yet the circumstances that are dragging this place down are out of my hands. It is time and I'm still fighting to hold on.

#thefinal90 #storeclosing #endofanera #favorite #customers #decades #business #community #icon #sweetshop #beloved #local #smallbusiness #favorite #pennycandyshop 

Today in Connecticut....

Today is a break from reading about me and my journey, because I'd like to share someone else with you. This morning I was tagged in a facebook post by a friend who has shown support for small business owners, mentioned her feelings on my posts and understood what I've been saying. She, unlike so many, "gets it", and I'm grateful for the people who realize not only what we do but that moving on isn't always easy. Thank you Linda. 

She mentioned me and another person in her comments which told me that this was the final day for another small business owner. I had to know more, not from a spectator standpoint but because I needed to see if this closing was being handled better than I'm managing mine. It's possible that not all proprietors feel the way I do; maybe I'm making too much of my journey and this long goodbye. Then again, it matters a great deal to me so I can't just say nothing, but what if others don't feel as I do?

I looked up the page for the other shop that is closing and just had to copy their announcement here for you to read. It's goodbye - not just to a job, or a place -  but to a community, and it looks like a sadness similar to what I'm feeling. I hope Mr. Carlo won't mind that I am reposting his words here but they matter. We - the heart and soul of your neighborhoods and towns - matter. And it's breaking my heart to read his farewell but especially the one line in there that you may pick up on. 

A photo he posted this morning on his facebook page -

His official closing announcement from 10/6/14:


"It breaks my heart to write this, but we are going out of business.

This week will be our final week that we will be open. We will make grinders till Friday, then no more grinders. I am going to retire. For 6 years my son and I gave our customers the best quality, best service, best prices possible , ANYWHERE. We were honest and fair with everyone. Many of our customers became personal friends of our family, and will continue to be our friends. We will miss ALL OF YOU. But the ones I will miss the most, are all the beautiful children. There is no way to describe how wonderful it is the have them come into the store, and call me Mr. Carlo. These beautiful children are our future, and I know they will grow to be amazing adults, doing amazing things. I know that hundreds of you, won't know I'm closed till you come in for your once a year holiday meal. One can't help but wonder what you feed your family the rest of the year. I have so many people to thank for all the great things they did to help us in our 6 years here. Nick and I could never do it all by ourselves. So this is it, my last week, and a new owner will take over in a couple of weeks. Thank you so much to all our loyal customers over the years, I hope that you all know how much we care about you all. 

Carlo and Nick"


This photo was also posted today. Here is the facebook page -
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Carlo-Son-Quality-Meats/190062691015910

To Carlo & Son Quality Meats, you were so loved by your customers, friends and those you served. I'm so sorry to see you are closing. We - the independents can never be replaced by larger stores, lesser quality or lack of personal commitment to what we do. 
I wish you all the best.

The many stages of saying goodbye

I thought I'd been through the challenging parts already. So many things this far have been far harder than I anticipated and I'll admit that for a few days earlier this month I actually breathed. In a way it seemed that some of most difficult tasks which had loomed on the horizon were completed and now there was no turning back.

I'd given the required notice to my landlord and after days of dragging my feet had finally posting the "closing forever" signs. I'd learned how to field questions of all varieties and varying degrees of rudeness and had even made a few feeble attempts to take some of my personal items home from the store.

But for just under two decades this store HAS been my home: it's where I've laughed, learned, cared, grown, educated, cried, and where I swore I'd never give up on something I loved so much. It was, as I'd mentioned in a previous post, the place where "I'd come out of the dark" as a shattered life was rebuilt and a new place in the world was created.

This shop where I'd connected with so many hundreds and thousands of people across the years, was so much more than "just a job" to me and to some extent when you run your own ship I think you have to feel that way. I made a mistake that will be hard to warn others about and difficult to explain; I'd fallen in love with my business. That's not something you should ever do I guess, because when if the time comes when you have to say goodbye, it's going to be so much more than just a change in where you work. It's going to hurt like hell. I know that now because I'm there.

#sayinggoodbye #finally #closing #endofanera #goodbyemomandpop #thefinal90 #storeclosing #lovelocal #community #choices #small #shops #localbusinesses #closed #lettinggo #after35years #loved

Sharing my story

A few days ago something unexpected happened. I was contacted by a reporter for a local newspaper who wanted to do a story. A story about the demise of this shop I assumed, but it wasn't quite that. I think the fact that I started a blog about the final days was more fascinating, perhaps because people don't generally share stories like this. But I'm different and see past what could be viewed as superficial whining or complaining. That wasn't the point of this at all.


I know some other small store owners must have had to close a beloved shop at some time when maybe they weren't quite ready to let go. I know some people out there appreciate, care about and value little retailers like me. I know that someone must respect what we stood for and the standards that we upheld by having principles and sticking up for American-made products. I'm sure that there are a few people who, like the hundreds of loyal customers I've had over the years, "get" why this mattered. And if even just a few readers come to the realization of what this was like, how it DID matter to me and to many others, perhaps they will think a little the next time they are out and have choices.


I have been so lucky. I was able to have had this experience and these 19 years. I have met amazing people, heard their stories, become friends, and I have loved being a part of my community. I've shared wonderful moments with people and have been able to pass on the message about rescuing and adopting animals which is something I'm involved with.


And while my story is the absolute truth that some people prefer not to see, perhaps the few who read it will open their eyes. Love your local community, people and businesses folks - as we, the heart and soul of your towns, cities and neighborhoods close, something changes forever in our world.

 #localstores #momandpop #smallbusiness #livelocal #thefinal90 #storeclosing #endofanera

I'm not good with change

....but I'm learning.

2:35am and I'm dead tired but not sleeping. I'm an onion tonight, peeling off layers, and every time I open my eyes it seems sadness drips out. I am stronger than this, I know......


I have always hated change, lived a life for almost 20 years where little happened to disrupt the norm. And so it must come as no surprise that this ending after almost as many years does sting and tug at my heart.


Some people have an attachment to things, such as sports cars, jewelry, or luxury vacations. I craved being myself in the world that I thought I'd come alive in; the place where I'd found my passion and spirit for life. For the first time in my life things fell into place and from a deformed spirit grew something that was mine.


I know, how can a job or a business mean so much? Maybe we aren't all alike, and maybe what brought my soul to life wouldn't thrill yours. But I found my place in the world for a time and although I'm grieving the loss of this thing that helped me become whole, I have to believe there is more out there. I'm sure this isn't where my story ends. It just happens to be the place where I'm pausing, learning to let go and finding out what's next.



#lettinggo #movingon #sayinggoodbye #finally #closing #endofanera #goodbyemomandpop #thefinal90

My favorite customers; their favorite store

The door with the clanking bell popped open and a pair of customers enthusiastially greet me with the words "you're still here - our favorite store at the beach!!". I'm not tooting my horn but I get that a lot - so many of them make this a destination and often make a beeline for my shop as soon as they arrive in town. It's become a tradition while on their summer vacation each year, and I know them all. Names I can't remember but I never forget a face.


I quickly divert the conversation to chat about their family, catch up on the latest news and learn which grades the kids are going into this year. We pull out cell phones to share pictures of each other's dogs and swap stories about all the years of summers and vacations and what it was like long ago in this town.


They have a list, sometimes hand-written, sometimes synced to their home computer and right there on their ipad. We find all the varieties of licorice mom requested, the odd sour hard candy for Uncle Paul that they can only find here, discuss what size gummy candies would be suitable for a younger child, and I pull out a few samples so they can decide on Huckleberry or Watermelon taffy. They aren't staying around here this summer, some of the relatives wanted to be further up the coast so they are 45 minutes north but they tell me, would of course, still make the trip here.


They are ready to go and I still haven't told them. I wish there was a way to hand envelopes to my beloved customers and ask them to open later when at home so I can say goodbye without really having to talk about it. But they tell me they will look forward to returning next summer and I have to say something; I have to thank them for being such devoted fans, for sharing their summer memories with me and for making this a part of their vacation. I hand them a card which has a variety of ways to stay in touch, just in case I relocate. It's a very slim hope but I would hate to lose touch with so many of these people - perhaps there is a way we will meet up again next summer for coffee or ice cream. Many don't see the line of text on the card that says simply "R.I.P. <store name> 1979 ~ 2014" and I'm grateful for that. I hope they'll see it later when they get home and will understand.

#closing #smallstore #independent #retailer #momandpop #locallyowned #thefinal90 #loveyourlocal

Not yet...

7:47pm on Saturday and I'm dragging my feet. I wish there was some way not to say "every thing must go". I wish there was a way to skip over this part. I wish there was a way to just slip out thd back door aand never have to answer another question about why. But I need to put the sign up, not just for customers but for me, so it can start to sink in that I'm down to the final days.

35 years here; 19 of them mine. And 45 days is all that remains of decades of small business work, heartache, love, caring and now, learning to let go.

#smallbusinessclosing #goodbyetoanicon #after35years #thefinal90 #supportlocal #buyAmerican #oldtimeshop #different #unique

Letting go

"As we grow older and wiser, we begin to realize what we need and what we need to leave behind.  Sometimes walking away is a step forward."

#lettinggo #movingon #thefinal90 #closingdoors #nextchapter #smallbusiness #finallyclosing #afteralltheseyears #supportyourlocal #independentsfading