August 2015

I went by the shopping center a week or so ago late at night and had to stop and look. My store still sits empty.

 Now there is another one closing too....

Paco's Paradise has been there for more

About #thefinal90

Some folks have come across this journey recently and been curious how it came to be. If you didn't go back to the beginning and start there this is a summary. 

 
A few days before the deadline of Friday, August 1st 2014, a new blog began. Launched to capture the process of letting go and ending the 19 year run of a small local business; not done for sympathy or attention but as a way of explaining what it's like to close a beloved store. There's not much written about this sort of thing but my store deserved to have it's story told.

Here is where it starts - 
http://thefinal90days.blogspot.com/2014/07/what-its-about-introduction.html

 

My shop's final story has now been shared across many

social sites. You can find it by searching 

keyword/hashtag #thefinal90. Thanks for reading.

Missing what was

I am missing my business so much lately. The only place where I came alive for one of the only times in my life, is gone and it feels like I've lost a piece of my soul.

I loved the customers, the kids, the strangers who turned into friends, our conversations and the dream. Because five months later that's what it's fading into; just a dream. I will likely never be a small business owner again because it's becoming clear to me that fear of failure and loss a second time is something I can't risk. To lose a part of my heart after 19 years is something I'm still struggling to grasp.....how I let so much time slip away while on the wrong path.

Finding a job is proving to be much harder than I'd thought and the silence of what's gone just echos around me now. It's spring; there should be excitement for a new season; plans being made and instead there is silence. I let what most refer to as the best years of one's life fade away doing what amounted to nothing and now the emptiness is crushing me.

I wish I could hit replay but it's too late. The piece that completed me is missing and while a shadow is still looking for a job, what made me jump put of bed in the mornings full of enthusiasm to get to work has died. Finally I can say that perhaps it would have been better if I'd never been a small retail shop owner. There is a sadness in my life that I can't fill.

Going out with a bang

I changed direction and did a complete about-face. It's not like me but tough times call for dramatic actions I guess. After months of agonizing over this decision, feeling  frustrated over so many of the factors that led to this choice, I faced the fact that I'm out of here in less than two weeks head on. Posted on Sunday:


Greetings folks! I've given it a lot of thought and decided we will not just go out quietly. When you have been here for this long you cannot just slip out of sight and there are so many people still to say goodbye too, those who are messaging and texting wanting to get into the shop one last time. So we will go out with a BANG!! This weekend will be the final three days and we're celebrating with an epic sale, free candy and goodies and a chance to see you all once more. 

This is going to be the best place to start on your Christmas gift list!! Be here to say goodbye, celebrate 35 years AND do some fabulous shopping! I'm looking forward to seeing you - the best customers ever. I will miss you so much!! xoxoxo"


I'm setting up the store for a giant sale, cleaning out, throwing away and making piles to donate. I can't help but feel a little excited and glad that so many people are planning to be here this weekend and that definately warms my heart; which at the same time is still breaking into a million pieces. This place IS me and I have been it's heart and soul for 19 years. I'm struggling but felt that this was the right way to go out.....


I'll have to post some of the comments later on that have been made but to do it now will lead to leaky eyes and I have a party to plan.....

#sayinggoodbye #finally #closing #endofanera #goodbyemomandpop #thefinal90 #storeclosing #loveyourlocal #localbusinesses #closed #lettinggo #after35years #loved #ending #ihaveloved #missingthisalready

I am lucky to have loved so much.

It's 10:30 in the morning and I should be at work. There is so much to do; so many things to pack, donate, list for sale, get rid of. What I can't package up is all the memories of this part of my life. So many people and memories and good times, bad times and everything in between. I have loved being the owner of this place; grateful to have known so many of you; trying to make sense out of the final two weeks.

I am letting sadness cloud my thinking which is complicating matters. I need to be making calls, searching out antique dealers for the century old fixtures and being practical. But right now the concept of losing the only time in my life that things came together for me is taking over and I'm not doing all that needs to be done.

Several of my rescued animals are curled up with me as this is being written. They understand, know my sadness and gather around. I'm grateful for the silent support which comes with no comments or questions or advice on how I should feel right now. The depth and difficulty of this goodbye is perhaps relative to the feelings held for this chapter in my life. I am so lucky to have had something I loved so very much.

#goodbye #smallbusiness #35years #finally #closing #localshop #momandpop #locallyowned #thefinal90 #sadness #memories #IHaveLoved #mystore #deathofasmallbusiness #lettinggo #movingon

The many stages of saying goodbye

I thought I'd been through the challenging parts already. So many things this far have been far harder than I anticipated and I'll admit that for a few days earlier this month I actually breathed. In a way it seemed that some of most difficult tasks which had loomed on the horizon were completed and now there was no turning back.

I'd given the required notice to my landlord and after days of dragging my feet had finally posting the "closing forever" signs. I'd learned how to field questions of all varieties and varying degrees of rudeness and had even made a few feeble attempts to take some of my personal items home from the store.

But for just under two decades this store HAS been my home: it's where I've laughed, learned, cared, grown, educated, cried, and where I swore I'd never give up on something I loved so much. It was, as I'd mentioned in a previous post, the place where "I'd come out of the dark" as a shattered life was rebuilt and a new place in the world was created.

This shop where I'd connected with so many hundreds and thousands of people across the years, was so much more than "just a job" to me and to some extent when you run your own ship I think you have to feel that way. I made a mistake that will be hard to warn others about and difficult to explain; I'd fallen in love with my business. That's not something you should ever do I guess, because when if the time comes when you have to say goodbye, it's going to be so much more than just a change in where you work. It's going to hurt like hell. I know that now because I'm there.

#sayinggoodbye #finally #closing #endofanera #goodbyemomandpop #thefinal90 #storeclosing #lovelocal #community #choices #small #shops #localbusinesses #closed #lettinggo #after35years #loved

Sign posted

I did it. I put up a sign stating the facts, that this store will close in just weeks. The sign encourages people to come in for sale items, that everything must go and that this isn't just a seasonal ending, it's a forever ending. And then I closed and locked the door a few minutes early because I couldn't talk with the lump in my throat.

When I say this is a hard loss, well, I realize I'm taking it harder than many people might. There have been goodbyes in my life before and yet for almost two decades this has been present, always there. It was one of the few things I loved and cared deeply about, and more importantly the place where I found my passion and soul as I healed from personal scars. And it is now the place I'm leaving behind as my heart sort of breaks. "I will miss you", I wisper to the antique counters as I brush by on my way out the door. In my life, probably more than for most, this thing that was my own meant so much.

#thefinal90 #storeclosing #since1979 #lossoflocalshops #momandpop #smallstores #familyowned #after35years

I believe....

 

I believe....


....that grief isn't defined by words and equations, or measured by certain traits.

....that what spoke to your soul and made you come alive is something that can now be a huge loss in your life.

...that the longer you wait to make a change that you know is coming, the harder it will be.

....that hatever once made you whole; filled an emptiness; was there as you came out of the dark and healed, is going to hurt like hell when you say goodbye.

...that letting go may be the only way you can reach the next chapter in your life.

....that when the time comes when you have to walk away from memories of when you were broken and found the one thing that worked, that restored your faith in yourself and that let you live again, that it's going to rip your heart out.

....that being afraid of change keeps you from growing.

...that it's possible to feel some things should never end and that what made you complete should never go away.

....that this may be the time for me to fly.

...that you can love something that restored you to living as a normal person so much that it's going to leave fragments.

....that this sadness is about losing the only thing in my life I ever became.

....that letting go of this dream is harder than I thought.

....that these years were some of the best times in my life.

#lettinggo #closingabusiness #movingon #afteralltheseyears #nextchapter #deathofasmallbusiness #goodbye #momandpop #smallstores #closing #since1979 #afterallthistime #closingforever #thefinal90 #belovedsmallshop #icon #community #shoplocal #loss #hometownbusinesses