August 2015

I went by the shopping center a week or so ago late at night and had to stop and look. My store still sits empty.

 Now there is another one closing too....

Paco's Paradise has been there for more

The weekend is over

I called it an hour early. I couldn't take the comments about "I knew you were here but this is my first time in this shop in 20 years or "I bet you can't wait to get out of here and retire".....as if I look 25 years older than I am and with retirement on my list. Most days I have thicker skin but right now everything about this hurts and I had to just close the door. This has been my life for so many years and today my heart is breaking.


Just posted: "Folks, it's over. We will be closing in just a few minutes. I can't thank those of you who came in this weekend enough but it's time. I have loved being a part of your lives, vacations and families and will miss you so much. Thank you."


I'm trying to catch my breath and I can't.

#wehaveclosed #itsover #thefinal90  #closedforever #belovedshop #lettinggo #confectionery #over #myhearthurts #smallstoregone #ihaveloved #tryingtobreathe #finalday #endofmystory #heartbroken #missingyoualready #lastday

Looking back: 2010 & workman's comp issue

This was written in 2010 with the exception of the first paragraph summarizing what I SAW, I just didn't really think it would happen, and the final three sentences.

I'm struggling this year. Rent is up, foot traffic in here is down and my worst fear is coming true; I don't know if people want to visit my small shop anymore. I can't imagine closing this landmark after 30-some years but the reality is that if people continue to follow each other blindly to the nearest discount store and bypass the local independent retailers on the way – then it might not be about what I WANT.

If I close, I stop purchasing quality made in the USA candies, rather than cheap imported products from China, which many chain stores are now selling. If I close, I'm turning my back on struggling independent manufacturers who are hanging in there to produce fine candies here in the states. And even as some hang on, downsize, try alternatives to remain alive, many other family companies are now having to close their doors forever. If I wanted to do things the easy way I’d just place one, maybe two giant orders a year – get everything from China and stockpile it because who knows how long it’s been in transit anyway – save myself a lot of time, work, and money. But I couldn't live with myself if I did that.

You know the image of a worn out, run down city that maybe we have in our minds, or that makes the paper sometimes? It’s a view of an old brick building; windows broken; weeds growing in the pavement; trash and debris strewn around a fenced off yard; a sagging faded sign. Vacant. That’s what I picture when I imagine my store no longer ordering from people who have been in business for three or four generations of family members. That’s what I see happening as the independent retailers fade; even in just the tiny amount of business that I may represent to an American company. It's what takes place when the mom and pops go under and the big chains skip the struggling US companies and go directly to order from China.

People tell me not to take it personally, that this is happening everywhere, that it's not just me. But I care too deeply to just give up or let go, and so I stay, cut every expense to the bare bones - and then I lose the workman's compensation policy. After 13 years of the same coverage, never filing a claim, one day a notice comes in the mail to inform me that the previous rate of $350 per year is gone. There is a new "state mandated" plan in effect, so regardless of how little payroll you may have, the across the board new rate will be upwards of $1600.00. For a season - maybe two months of employees - what I pay out in help doesn't even reach that figure. I can't afford it so I cancel and then refuse to do as so many others do; I refuse to pay under the table. It's not in me to do it. I cannot look a parent in the eyes and tell them I will take good, responsible care of their child while they are working here. From a financial angle I'm not wealthy enough to pay out of pocket bills should someone step off the curb wrong on their way to the dumpster and break an ankle; from a moral standpoint I won't do something illegal. So after 14 years of returning employees and kids grown from teens into college students, this summer there are none.

But we have animals, rescued dogs, and my days are long; often in the 12 to 14 hour range. After months of searching we are able to find two excellent professionals to take turns visiting our pets during the day so they are never left for more than 6 hours at a time. For three summers this plan works out until the final summer of 2014 when due to health issues both pet sitters retire. Still, breaking the law to pay cash to have someone work for me is not an option so I tweak the hours of the shop. It's not ideal but it's now been decided this is the final year and at this point I'm out of options.

#thefinal90 #storeclosing #after35years #since1979 #losingfavoritestores #buyAmerican #smallbusiness #struggles #deathofasmallbusiness #momandpop #shoplocal #Americanmanufacturing #workmanscomp #finallyclosed

Feeling the loss of small businesses everywhere

So you take me for a ride,
Through your town, just to see -
And it hurts reading "For Rent"
Where Main Street used to be.

You pull to the drive thru,
Of another fast food chain -
Casually you mention the loss
Of small businesses, down the drain.

Need to do some shopping you say,
So to the highway we cruise -
Past the small mom and pop's
This community stands to lose.

Once at the big box giant,
I can't join you inside -
I'm mourning the emptiness
Of your town, that has died.

So easy to look past
What's right there to see -
A quiet ride back to home
Leaves a sadness in me.

For your town can't survive,
When businesses are passed by -
And soon people will ask
Why the hell did they die.

Silent streets tell the tale,
Of what has been lost -
Vacant storefronts now show,
What big box "savings" have cost.

Don't let this happen where you live.

#storeclosing #goodbye #after35years #finally #closed #memories #since1979 #alltheseyears #movingon #goingoutofbusiness #loveyourlocal #endofanera #independent #retailer #supportlocal #thefinal90 #lettinggo

Summer is fading...

I had noticed July slipped away, taking with it the final time I'd be here over the 4th, with it's hustle and bustle, influx of visitors to our beach town, and the many regulars who for so many seasons have been stopping in here. But I still had August; still had another month of peak summertime vacationer; friends and people I'd come to look for each year, right?

But last night it hit me as I followed a usual Sunday evening routine for us, stopping on the way home to pick up a pizza for dinner; this IS it. My final summer in my own shop is approaching the end and I will likely never again be the captain of my own ship, so to speak. Today I'm doing the equivalent of curling up in a ball and trying to block everything out. While outside a gorgeous beach day unfolds, I'm sitting at the counter that used to be a deli counter icebox in a general store; a massive wooden beast of a fixture estimated to weigh upwards of a ton. The icebox sections on either side of the display case with very thick glass front and top, are lined with metal and have small drains in the bottom of them for the water to run out. It's to me a relic of another small business, perhaps several, which once upon a time used it in another shop. And it's one of the pieces I have to let go of.


I gave my 90 days notice to the landlord on Saturday but had not actually come face to face in conversation until yesterday. The exchange went as might have been expected but left me feeling more hollow when there seemed to be no sadness or regret hearing my news. What did I expect? A place I've poured money into for the last 19 years seemed uninterested that I'd be leaving - oh, there was a standard sort of comment about "you've been a tenant for a long time huh?", said in a distant tone of voice that seemed un-bothered.


But to me this goodbye is so much more, a statement that almost sounds trivial with the sadness I'm experiencing. Haunted by a feeling of unease the last day or two, this morning I finally narrowed down something that is causing me additional discomfort; confirmation of something I've suspected for a few years. Sure, sometimes having our thoughts proven or validated seems like a good thing, but in this case it almost laughs in my face because I saw and felt it previously and yet tried to ignore it. To be continued.....





#thefinal90 #storeclosing #goodbye #smallbusiness #35years #candyshop #since1979 #localstores #closing #principles #Americanmade #whatwestoodfor #belovedshop #icon #familiar #favorite #weareclosing #finallygone

Why a "final 90 days"?

Why did this business matter so much, enough that I thought it deserved a public send off, a blog chronicling the final days, a need to speak out before we're gone?

Well it mattered to me because of so many things - more than I could begin to count - but some of the important reasons are the history behind 35 years, the connections I have with so many people I know, the concept of standing for something by offering carefully selected products which are still made in the USA. 

For some people even one of these reason would have been enough cause to "not go quietly".....and that's something I've never been good at doing. I'm speaking up because to me it all matters; the decision to stop carrying certain items which after decades have shifted production from American soil to china; the choice to work with the limited schedule of a small company that no longer had the best delivery options - just so I could continue to sell their made in the USA products. Or the people that I've come to know over so many layers of years and seasons and too many reasons to begin to count that matter.