Six months later

Sometimes things have a funny way if sneaking up on you. I remember the first time I went grocery shopping after closing my store in October of last year. I recall thinking it was my first time in an independently owned store, no longer as a small business owner, and it felt strange to no longer be "one of them".

Tonight its six months later and I'm lost. The job search isn't going so well and I can't find my place. Maybe it's because I haven't made peace with closing that door yet - for the last half a year it's been absent from my life but now here it is just before Memorial weekend. All the small business owners t hat I know are working late, getting prepared and being the captains of small ships on the sea of enterprise. 

My ship doesn't sail there anymore and while I've struggled to come to terms with the end of a 19 year run, somehow I thought it would be easier to move on. I miss my little shop; my customers; being good at what I did and loving it so much. I guess when you've had all that,  feeling lost is to be expected. I'm not sure where I go from here. 

Sharing my story

A few days ago something unexpected happened. I was contacted by a reporter for a local newspaper who wanted to do a story. A story about the demise of this shop I assumed, but it wasn't quite that. I think the fact that I started a blog about the final days was more fascinating, perhaps because people don't generally share stories like this. But I'm different and see past what could be viewed as superficial whining or complaining. That wasn't the point of this at all.


I know some other small store owners must have had to close a beloved shop at some time when maybe they weren't quite ready to let go. I know some people out there appreciate, care about and value little retailers like me. I know that someone must respect what we stood for and the standards that we upheld by having principles and sticking up for American-made products. I'm sure that there are a few people who, like the hundreds of loyal customers I've had over the years, "get" why this mattered. And if even just a few readers come to the realization of what this was like, how it DID matter to me and to many others, perhaps they will think a little the next time they are out and have choices.


I have been so lucky. I was able to have had this experience and these 19 years. I have met amazing people, heard their stories, become friends, and I have loved being a part of my community. I've shared wonderful moments with people and have been able to pass on the message about rescuing and adopting animals which is something I'm involved with.


And while my story is the absolute truth that some people prefer not to see, perhaps the few who read it will open their eyes. Love your local community, people and businesses folks - as we, the heart and soul of your towns, cities and neighborhoods close, something changes forever in our world.

 #localstores #momandpop #smallbusiness #livelocal #thefinal90 #storeclosing #endofanera

I'm not good with change

....but I'm learning.

2:35am and I'm dead tired but not sleeping. I'm an onion tonight, peeling off layers, and every time I open my eyes it seems sadness drips out. I am stronger than this, I know......


I have always hated change, lived a life for almost 20 years where little happened to disrupt the norm. And so it must come as no surprise that this ending after almost as many years does sting and tug at my heart.


Some people have an attachment to things, such as sports cars, jewelry, or luxury vacations. I craved being myself in the world that I thought I'd come alive in; the place where I'd found my passion and spirit for life. For the first time in my life things fell into place and from a deformed spirit grew something that was mine.


I know, how can a job or a business mean so much? Maybe we aren't all alike, and maybe what brought my soul to life wouldn't thrill yours. But I found my place in the world for a time and although I'm grieving the loss of this thing that helped me become whole, I have to believe there is more out there. I'm sure this isn't where my story ends. It just happens to be the place where I'm pausing, learning to let go and finding out what's next.



#lettinggo #movingon #sayinggoodbye #finally #closing #endofanera #goodbyemomandpop #thefinal90

Summer is fading...

I had noticed July slipped away, taking with it the final time I'd be here over the 4th, with it's hustle and bustle, influx of visitors to our beach town, and the many regulars who for so many seasons have been stopping in here. But I still had August; still had another month of peak summertime vacationer; friends and people I'd come to look for each year, right?

But last night it hit me as I followed a usual Sunday evening routine for us, stopping on the way home to pick up a pizza for dinner; this IS it. My final summer in my own shop is approaching the end and I will likely never again be the captain of my own ship, so to speak. Today I'm doing the equivalent of curling up in a ball and trying to block everything out. While outside a gorgeous beach day unfolds, I'm sitting at the counter that used to be a deli counter icebox in a general store; a massive wooden beast of a fixture estimated to weigh upwards of a ton. The icebox sections on either side of the display case with very thick glass front and top, are lined with metal and have small drains in the bottom of them for the water to run out. It's to me a relic of another small business, perhaps several, which once upon a time used it in another shop. And it's one of the pieces I have to let go of.


I gave my 90 days notice to the landlord on Saturday but had not actually come face to face in conversation until yesterday. The exchange went as might have been expected but left me feeling more hollow when there seemed to be no sadness or regret hearing my news. What did I expect? A place I've poured money into for the last 19 years seemed uninterested that I'd be leaving - oh, there was a standard sort of comment about "you've been a tenant for a long time huh?", said in a distant tone of voice that seemed un-bothered.


But to me this goodbye is so much more, a statement that almost sounds trivial with the sadness I'm experiencing. Haunted by a feeling of unease the last day or two, this morning I finally narrowed down something that is causing me additional discomfort; confirmation of something I've suspected for a few years. Sure, sometimes having our thoughts proven or validated seems like a good thing, but in this case it almost laughs in my face because I saw and felt it previously and yet tried to ignore it. To be continued.....





#thefinal90 #storeclosing #goodbye #smallbusiness #35years #candyshop #since1979 #localstores #closing #principles #Americanmade #whatwestoodfor #belovedshop #icon #familiar #favorite #weareclosing #finallygone