August 2015

I went by the shopping center a week or so ago late at night and had to stop and look. My store still sits empty.

 Now there is another one closing too....

Paco's Paradise has been there for more

About #thefinal90

Some folks have come across this journey recently and been curious how it came to be. If you didn't go back to the beginning and start there this is a summary. 

 
A few days before the deadline of Friday, August 1st 2014, a new blog began. Launched to capture the process of letting go and ending the 19 year run of a small local business; not done for sympathy or attention but as a way of explaining what it's like to close a beloved store. There's not much written about this sort of thing but my store deserved to have it's story told.

Here is where it starts - 
http://thefinal90days.blogspot.com/2014/07/what-its-about-introduction.html

 

My shop's final story has now been shared across many

social sites. You can find it by searching 

keyword/hashtag #thefinal90. Thanks for reading.

Six months later

Sometimes things have a funny way if sneaking up on you. I remember the first time I went grocery shopping after closing my store in October of last year. I recall thinking it was my first time in an independently owned store, no longer as a small business owner, and it felt strange to no longer be "one of them".

Tonight its six months later and I'm lost. The job search isn't going so well and I can't find my place. Maybe it's because I haven't made peace with closing that door yet - for the last half a year it's been absent from my life but now here it is just before Memorial weekend. All the small business owners t hat I know are working late, getting prepared and being the captains of small ships on the sea of enterprise. 

My ship doesn't sail there anymore and while I've struggled to come to terms with the end of a 19 year run, somehow I thought it would be easier to move on. I miss my little shop; my customers; being good at what I did and loving it so much. I guess when you've had all that,  feeling lost is to be expected. I'm not sure where I go from here. 

Five weeks later.

I'm finally admitting how much I miss this. It seemed I would have posted sooner but the words wouldn't come, and perhaps I was trying to think about moving on instead of looking back. But the honeymoon stage that was new-found freedom from working seven days a week has faded. For the first time in two decades we could accept weekend invitations; sleep in on Saturday and not have to rush out of church on Sundays to open the shop, but that faded fast.

I miss my store, the people, my customers. It seems my creativity that grew there and turned into pieces of art is gone. It will return some time probably, but for now my soul is as empty as a birdcage with an occupant that has left.

My sweet senior friend Miss Doris must have come down to the beach this fall as she always does, but we didn't get to catch up this year. I wonder if her cancer is still in remission. We always had such long, meaningful talks about major events in one's life such as illness, loss, and holding onto hope. She loves her grandchildren so very much and I loved seeing her eyes sparkle when she told me about their latest school events and adventures. Miss Doris isn't part of my life anymore; she wasn't in the shop over the summer so I never got a chance to tell her goodbye or exchange addresses.

So many things I'm experiencing differently now that my life has changed. On November 14th I went to the grocery store for the first time as an unemployed citizen, no longer a small business owner. November 18th was the first church meeting that I attended since April, before the summer season began, and a Thanksgiving without customers and a busy weekend seemed hollow to me.

Silently, one by one, these things tell me that I loved something too much. It's all going to turn into just a memory soon, and those years when my soul came alive and for the first time in my life I was happier than I'd ever been, will fade. It feels as if the snow globe that was my world has shattered. I loved being a part of your lives.

Sharing my story

A few days ago something unexpected happened. I was contacted by a reporter for a local newspaper who wanted to do a story. A story about the demise of this shop I assumed, but it wasn't quite that. I think the fact that I started a blog about the final days was more fascinating, perhaps because people don't generally share stories like this. But I'm different and see past what could be viewed as superficial whining or complaining. That wasn't the point of this at all.


I know some other small store owners must have had to close a beloved shop at some time when maybe they weren't quite ready to let go. I know some people out there appreciate, care about and value little retailers like me. I know that someone must respect what we stood for and the standards that we upheld by having principles and sticking up for American-made products. I'm sure that there are a few people who, like the hundreds of loyal customers I've had over the years, "get" why this mattered. And if even just a few readers come to the realization of what this was like, how it DID matter to me and to many others, perhaps they will think a little the next time they are out and have choices.


I have been so lucky. I was able to have had this experience and these 19 years. I have met amazing people, heard their stories, become friends, and I have loved being a part of my community. I've shared wonderful moments with people and have been able to pass on the message about rescuing and adopting animals which is something I'm involved with.


And while my story is the absolute truth that some people prefer not to see, perhaps the few who read it will open their eyes. Love your local community, people and businesses folks - as we, the heart and soul of your towns, cities and neighborhoods close, something changes forever in our world.

 #localstores #momandpop #smallbusiness #livelocal #thefinal90 #storeclosing #endofanera

I'm not good with change

....but I'm learning.

2:35am and I'm dead tired but not sleeping. I'm an onion tonight, peeling off layers, and every time I open my eyes it seems sadness drips out. I am stronger than this, I know......


I have always hated change, lived a life for almost 20 years where little happened to disrupt the norm. And so it must come as no surprise that this ending after almost as many years does sting and tug at my heart.


Some people have an attachment to things, such as sports cars, jewelry, or luxury vacations. I craved being myself in the world that I thought I'd come alive in; the place where I'd found my passion and spirit for life. For the first time in my life things fell into place and from a deformed spirit grew something that was mine.


I know, how can a job or a business mean so much? Maybe we aren't all alike, and maybe what brought my soul to life wouldn't thrill yours. But I found my place in the world for a time and although I'm grieving the loss of this thing that helped me become whole, I have to believe there is more out there. I'm sure this isn't where my story ends. It just happens to be the place where I'm pausing, learning to let go and finding out what's next.



#lettinggo #movingon #sayinggoodbye #finally #closing #endofanera #goodbyemomandpop #thefinal90

My favorite customers; their favorite store

The door with the clanking bell popped open and a pair of customers enthusiastially greet me with the words "you're still here - our favorite store at the beach!!". I'm not tooting my horn but I get that a lot - so many of them make this a destination and often make a beeline for my shop as soon as they arrive in town. It's become a tradition while on their summer vacation each year, and I know them all. Names I can't remember but I never forget a face.


I quickly divert the conversation to chat about their family, catch up on the latest news and learn which grades the kids are going into this year. We pull out cell phones to share pictures of each other's dogs and swap stories about all the years of summers and vacations and what it was like long ago in this town.


They have a list, sometimes hand-written, sometimes synced to their home computer and right there on their ipad. We find all the varieties of licorice mom requested, the odd sour hard candy for Uncle Paul that they can only find here, discuss what size gummy candies would be suitable for a younger child, and I pull out a few samples so they can decide on Huckleberry or Watermelon taffy. They aren't staying around here this summer, some of the relatives wanted to be further up the coast so they are 45 minutes north but they tell me, would of course, still make the trip here.


They are ready to go and I still haven't told them. I wish there was a way to hand envelopes to my beloved customers and ask them to open later when at home so I can say goodbye without really having to talk about it. But they tell me they will look forward to returning next summer and I have to say something; I have to thank them for being such devoted fans, for sharing their summer memories with me and for making this a part of their vacation. I hand them a card which has a variety of ways to stay in touch, just in case I relocate. It's a very slim hope but I would hate to lose touch with so many of these people - perhaps there is a way we will meet up again next summer for coffee or ice cream. Many don't see the line of text on the card that says simply "R.I.P. <store name> 1979 ~ 2014" and I'm grateful for that. I hope they'll see it later when they get home and will understand.

#closing #smallstore #independent #retailer #momandpop #locallyowned #thefinal90 #loveyourlocal

Sign posted

I did it. I put up a sign stating the facts, that this store will close in just weeks. The sign encourages people to come in for sale items, that everything must go and that this isn't just a seasonal ending, it's a forever ending. And then I closed and locked the door a few minutes early because I couldn't talk with the lump in my throat.

When I say this is a hard loss, well, I realize I'm taking it harder than many people might. There have been goodbyes in my life before and yet for almost two decades this has been present, always there. It was one of the few things I loved and cared deeply about, and more importantly the place where I found my passion and soul as I healed from personal scars. And it is now the place I'm leaving behind as my heart sort of breaks. "I will miss you", I wisper to the antique counters as I brush by on my way out the door. In my life, probably more than for most, this thing that was my own meant so much.

#thefinal90 #storeclosing #since1979 #lossoflocalshops #momandpop #smallstores #familyowned #after35years

Letter to a visitor (written July 2011)

Dear vacationer,

I heard you and your family talking when you thought I didn't hear you, discussing every aspect of my shop, debating whether to stay or go. Someone said a certain item could be found cheaper at the market back home; another suggested there must be a walmart nearby; you seemed uncomfortable and out of place in this unique and one of a kind place. So you did notice the difference then - that we ARE different - but why choose to rail against that when you could enjoy it? We don't go on vacation to go to all the same places we go to at home, do we? Ah....the scary side of being "different" works against me.

The bigger stores will indeed have better lighting, huge advertising budgets, and a larger selection. They probably are more convenient to just go in and get everything on the list in one place. They won’t know a specialty item with a history of being made in the same building since 1905 – because they aren't selling that. The staff won’t be able to explain the differences in varieties of licorice, or give you a cell number so you can text before the next visit to make sure your favorite taffy is available and set aside for you to pick up. And there are words such "please, thank you, sir" which you likely won't hear from a seasonal, gum-chewing worker. I'm betting they also won't notice grandad's cap embroidered with the words WWII Veteran so they can shake his hand and thank him for his service.

My store not only offers thirty varieties of licorice, I know something about each one. I can match preferences and tastes, know about the items that you seek for an elderly parent, and search to see if there is a certain favorite still made. Some treats aren't made anymore but I don’t accept inferior substitutes from China. And it's not just me; there are hundreds and thousands of tiny business owners going to work each day to offer you this level of service and knowledge. They are counting on you to skip the retailing giant where you are a number in a line; where you endlessly press a button for service and try to explain what you want, to a person that couldn't care less and is eyeing the clock to see if it’s break time yet. Is that what you crave and nothing more? What about your children, wouldn't it be good to show them diversity, broaden their horizons and stay here to enjoy the experience?

Walmart, the dollar store, chains - all these things are being flaunted at me as if I should be one of them - I see it so many times each summer. Often a family with several generations will come in to the shop. They are on vacation, ranging in age from little ones on up to grandparents. Almost always, the older folks want to stay here, they want to talk to a real person that knows a thing or two. Maybe that elusive favorite sweet they've been searching for is here, perhaps they just want to be waited on, chatted with, treated like a friend. I can do all that and more - but the younger generation is already at the door. They didn't see the gummy cartoon characters made in china because we won't sell them. And as the children demand, scream and show their impatience, their parents urge everyone out so they can satisfy the whim of a 3 year old. And they walk out on me and all I stand for.

#momandpopshop #strugglingsmallretailer #independentbusinesses #locallyowned #sayinggoodbye #after35years   #thefinal90 #community #favorite #icon #belovedlocalshop #endofanera #supportlocal #shopsmall #lettinggo

Maybe they don't WANT interaction

Reading an article several days ago has made me feel a little sick, realizing that something I suspected was happening, actually IS. It's not being noted with gladness that I was correct; rather sadness that we as people are changing; getting away from interactions with others in our communities; choosing to "fade in" and be faceless. I write this these two sentences and tears are already forming in my eyes feeling the sting of having become a dinosaur of a sole proprietor. I feel old and washed up, and I'm only in my early forties - but I didn't want to see what might be unfolding right in front of me.

It began as a nagging perception, a fleeting glimpse that I caught about five years ago. People began appearing less friendly upon coming into the store; almost a bit panicked when greeted, as if they craved invisibility. It made me wonder if the personal interactions which take place in a small shop were starting to become uncomfortable or awkward, and that perhaps people welcomed the big box mentality because it was more "safe"? I wrote this then about what I thought I saw  -


"I saw the love for local fade from their eyes...

I saw them shift nervously, uncomfortable at the experience of finding themselves out of the familiar layout of a massive chain store. I noticed the man behind the counter say hello; saw them hesitate to respond. It's strange that some people, when acknowledged, seem to resent the personal attention. Perhaps that's why the anonymity of a vast big box experience is considered comforting?

I saw the love for local fade...."


And then just a few nights ago, I came across this article. Parts of it confirmed what I thought; that remaining anonymous may be reassuring and perhaps, the new comfort zone. So are we just going further and further away from the days of personal interactions? And is that a good thing?

http://www.patrickkphillips.com/2014/01/19/big-box-stores-dying-whos-blame/

#thefinal90 #storeclosing #deathofasmallbusiness #after35years #finallyover #favoriteshop #sayinggoodbye #endofanera #community #favorite #losingasmallbusiness #independent #retail #finallyclosing #livelocal

Why a "final 90 days"?

Why did this business matter so much, enough that I thought it deserved a public send off, a blog chronicling the final days, a need to speak out before we're gone?

Well it mattered to me because of so many things - more than I could begin to count - but some of the important reasons are the history behind 35 years, the connections I have with so many people I know, the concept of standing for something by offering carefully selected products which are still made in the USA. 

For some people even one of these reason would have been enough cause to "not go quietly".....and that's something I've never been good at doing. I'm speaking up because to me it all matters; the decision to stop carrying certain items which after decades have shifted production from American soil to china; the choice to work with the limited schedule of a small company that no longer had the best delivery options - just so I could continue to sell their made in the USA products. Or the people that I've come to know over so many layers of years and seasons and too many reasons to begin to count that matter.

Where it all began

Where it all began....

One day in 1979 someone decided to open a candy shop. I was 8 years old at the time and lived 150 miles away. It wasn't me or my relatives but that doesn't make the store's history any less important. I have records dating back to show the operations of the business continually through the years up until now. There were three owners before me and for almost all this time the store's name stayed the same. Apparently during either the second or third owner it was briefly named a close variation and then changed back. In a way I feel guilty being the one to close it up after all this time, as if I'm the one letting it go. After all, everyone else did keep it going all that time.

Sometime in 1995 a young couple from Virginia were itching to get out of the city area and move somewhere less hectic. Somewhere to open a small business maybe...a real estate ad in a local newspaper listed a shop for sale.....by November the deal was done and the fourth owners had stepped into place.

#thefinal90 #closingforever #goodbye #momandpop #supportlocal #finallyclosing #after35years #beloved #localstore #sayinggoodbye #lettinggo #independent #business #smallretailer #memories #since1979 #endofanera