A new direction appears and then vanishes

Today I feel like a failure. I don't think anyone considers what it's like to go through this but some things I thought were in the works for possible volunteer projects after the summer.....well, those people never got back to me, made excuses not to respond or reply. Back in March I'd learned of an organization that deeply resonated with things that are important to me. I fell hard for their mission and what they stood for, and actually believed I would be part of that in the future.


I was wrong. After putting in a lot of effort and time to be part of a fundraising event in May, no one ever spoke to me again. I've tried to find out what went wrong; why I failed at something else when the biggest part of my life is already crumbling around me but I got no answers. Maybe someone didn't like me, or they didn't really need my help but having cared and becoming involved I've taken the silence very hard


Maybe no one knows what it's like to go through this painful loss of a business but I sure wish something I'd hoped to be a part of had worked out. Maybe people could think what others are going through as this is one of the the toughest goodbyes I've ever said. Maybe it's really important as one is going through something like this to try and find a new beginning elsewhere, a point of starting over career - wise or a new direction. It just might be what helps focus a little bit on the future.

#thefinal90 #storeclosing #lastseason #disappointed #quality #standards #after35years #wrong #choice #newcareer #changes #sayinggoodbye #smallbusiness #struggle #independent #retailer #endofanera #closed

90 to go

Saturday, August 2nd. It's the first of ninety days until my lease runs out and I'm giving notice to my landlord today. I have three months until the day I walk out of here forever.

Last night I was so lucky to see and say goodbye to one of my very favorite families. For years they have been coming in, making this place part of their summer vacations and sharing their family with me. I'm so grateful to have had this experience.

#thefinal90 #lettinggo #storeclosing #goodbye #after35years #finally #closed #memories #since1979 #alltheseyears #movingon #goingoutofbusiness #loveyourlocal #endofanera #independent #retailer #supportlocal #closedforever

Unacceptance

Today I feel that I simply cannot let go. It's just not working to look over the items in the store to decide which ones to discount and clear out, what to donate, toss or keep. I can't keep the business that was so very different years ago; many variables have changes of shoppers, the seasonal nature of this area, the economy, store expenses, etc. I've had my time; years; chances; opportunities. Maybe this wasn't my forte. Maybe I wasn't as good at being a proprietor as I thought. Maybe I should have moved on years ago and perhaps this is for the best.

And yet.....I can say all that and still want to go rip down the 50% off signs. I want to tear up the "Here's how to reach me" cards I printed up for my favorite people that I don't want to lose touch with. I want to stop hurting everyday; to not need to force back the tears that rise up during so many conversations, and I want to stop feeling like a piece of me is breaking inside. I want a chance to restructure; to tweak what I see needs changing; to sort out the slower selling items and perhaps focus on fewer of the most desirable things. I want to explain to the other half that now I see where some things need to be different, maybe that I didn't "get" before. Perhaps as I'm weeding out products and categories I've suddenly seen the light and would know how to reopen next spring better, more streamlined, profitable.

But despite what I think I see as possibilities I realize it's not just my choice. And, I've had time to try and improve the business over the last few years so if I could wouldn't it already have happened? Now there is some bitterness and I believe, jealousy over the time and money issues, so the chance to rebuild has likely passed me by. I thought I did everything I could but rather than accept this ending gracefully I'm still hoping for another chance. And yet, my time has run out here.