Unacceptance

Today I feel that I simply cannot let go. It's just not working to look over the items in the store to decide which ones to discount and clear out, what to donate, toss or keep. I can't keep the business that was so very different years ago; many variables have changes of shoppers, the seasonal nature of this area, the economy, store expenses, etc. I've had my time; years; chances; opportunities. Maybe this wasn't my forte. Maybe I wasn't as good at being a proprietor as I thought. Maybe I should have moved on years ago and perhaps this is for the best.

And yet.....I can say all that and still want to go rip down the 50% off signs. I want to tear up the "Here's how to reach me" cards I printed up for my favorite people that I don't want to lose touch with. I want to stop hurting everyday; to not need to force back the tears that rise up during so many conversations, and I want to stop feeling like a piece of me is breaking inside. I want a chance to restructure; to tweak what I see needs changing; to sort out the slower selling items and perhaps focus on fewer of the most desirable things. I want to explain to the other half that now I see where some things need to be different, maybe that I didn't "get" before. Perhaps as I'm weeding out products and categories I've suddenly seen the light and would know how to reopen next spring better, more streamlined, profitable.

But despite what I think I see as possibilities I realize it's not just my choice. And, I've had time to try and improve the business over the last few years so if I could wouldn't it already have happened? Now there is some bitterness and I believe, jealousy over the time and money issues, so the chance to rebuild has likely passed me by. I thought I did everything I could but rather than accept this ending gracefully I'm still hoping for another chance. And yet, my time has run out here.