I'm out.

The last few display pieces have been picked up and the final items are in storage. I'm on day two of trying to process that I'm unemployed, have nothing that is truly mine and that I've said goodbye to what I loved.

To those of you who supported and loved this shop, it was an honor to have you as customers and friends. I will miss being part of your summer vacations, seeing your families and chatting each year with so many of you that I came to know.

Thank you for this time of my life. I will remember you forever.

No longer a small business owner

It's just about over. A few things remain in the store that were to be picked up or taken away and that should be done by tomorrow.

There's a faded window sign proclaiming the very best in old-fashioned candies and sweets lying on the floor by the door, and a few stacks of glass shelving sitting against the wall.

What used to be my store now has an echo, something I knew would happen and yet pretended not to notice over the last few weeks. When my friend two doors down closed her shop last month I went in towards the end and the hollowness was there. I couldn't stand it. I had gone in to be supportive of her closing and yet the echo made it hard for me to pay attention or stay long. I knew my shop would be next.

This has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Not just the saying goodbye, or searching for a new direction or letting go of the dream, but physically also. Serious lack of planning and dragging my feet didn't help but I'd also underestimated the amount of work and time it would take to sort, donate, sell, set aside and pack up 19 years of memories. Running several days beyond the date I was officially to be out wasn't planned but it just worked out that way.

By tomorrow I should be finished and will place the  keys in an envelope and drop them into the slot for the landlord. I'm no longer able to say I'm a small business owner. The time has come to move on.

The things that mattered

When people ask me what I'll miss I'm always at a loss for words. Which part of this business do I choose to mention and what memory or story do I share? So many things made an impact on me; the customers, the experiences, personal connections, laughter, tears, amazing people and so much more. But that should come as no real surprise since often small retail shops are the heart and soul of their communities. Did you know that? Sometimes I think that gets overlooked but in so many ways we seem to care about things that corporate chains may not.


For example, these stickers mattered. Yes, basic, black and white oval decals mattered to me, and to others. They are from Operation Homefront and are free, to be given to veterans as a small gesture of recognized for their service. They are displayed in the front window with a small American flag and a note saying "Thank you for your service. They are free; please come in to get one". Funny thing is no one realizes they are free - they assume I'm selling them and are always hesitant until I turn the decal over and show them the information about Operation Homefront and explain the project.


And then selfishly, here's what I get out of the deal; I get to shake their hand and tell them we appreciate their service. I see people grateful to be acknowledged, almost always humble about their service, yet proud of what they did. I see them smile at being recognized as an American soldier. I'm able to place a decal in the hand of a hero. Sometimes I see them tear up at such a little gesture done for them. And sometimes, I even get a story or a few words about what they did.


Those are just some of the moments shared with my guests, visitors, customers and friends. Those decals and those who they are handed to mattered to me. I am lucky; during my 19 years here I was able to catch so many of these moments. I will always remember this experience.

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